You never let me take you to see Titanic in 3-D. I was hoping you would call back so we could go. We never did get to go mini-golfing. I always wanted to take you to that cafe named after you. For our anniversary. You said that when I moved to Tuscany you would come with me when we got older and successful. We never got to dress up as Pooh Bear and his honey pot for Halloween just because we had seen the movie. And we never really learned why no girl ever pooped or farted. We never got to go on that huge slingshot thing they have at the fairs. Or go on those little mini bungee-cord jump things at the mall. Or I never got to take you to the aquarium even though you went. And maybe someday we can do all these things. But it just won’t be the same. I miss you more than words can describe, yet I am powerless to control what you truly desire.
The advice that I try to give to people? I can’t even follow it. I say, “You gotta move on man, there’s plenty of people out there for you and that one must have been the wrong one!” But I can’t do it. The only thing that’s going to make me happy again is that “wrong one.” And I don’t know if she will read this. Heck, I don’t even know if she wants to think about me again. But since this is Tumblr and I can say what I want, I will say this: I need you back. I don’t care if you lost your feelings or whatever. If you thought you fell in love with me before, then there has to be something that I can do to make it happen again. You gave me the happiest times of my life to date. And a person could say that a million times over but it would still have the same meaning. There’s no other way of putting it. I need you back. I need you back because I can’t stand the fact that there might be some other guy out there taking my spot and being “sweet” to you. I can’t stand the fact that everything we went through, every smile, laugh, poke, tease, tickle, date, movie, hug, every hug while i was sick, kiss, cuddle, dinner at my house, dinner at a restaurant, lunch at your house, picnic in front of a lake at sunset that we missed when i kissed you, breakfast, game, every game you watched me play, staring contest, every video we took, song, dance, and every other possible moment could just be gone. Regardless if it was me or you it doesn’t matter to me, those times shouldn’t just disappear into nothingness. I love you and will love you and have loved you from the moment I said it and I refuse to give up so easily. So even if we have to go slow and things might not just pick up from where they left off, I’m going to fight for you until you can give me a sincere reason not to.
I see why everything had to be so secret now. I needed to see it to believe it. I couldn’t bare to imagine all the possible things that could be happening, I only needed to know the one and only truth, and if it was so hard to speak truthfully and openly about it with someone who loved and still loves you, then there really is or was no point in anything ever starting. I still appreciate all of the time together and I mean it when I say that I will cherish the memories always, but it’s time for me to stop chasing them back. After one day, or week, or month, or year, or whatever the time period, everything is back to as if we had never existed in each other’s world’s, other than the fact that one of us had to hurt while the other could simply brush it off. I still wish it didn’t end the way it did, but it did. And I see you don’t regret it, and if you do, it’s just another one of those things I haven’t been told. It hurts to find things out the hard way. And this is probably one of the hardest things that I or anybody else could ever find out about the one they care about. Whether you read this or not is irrelevant to me. I guess I write these to express the emotions in my mind for those who have ever or will ever be in this position, but good-bye my gumdrop. You were my pride and joy and sunshine and moonlight and future and present when I was yours, now that I am not, I don’t I feel I can say that anymore. It wouldn’t be fair to you. Forever I will stay that nervous boy who met you through our friends and asked for your Facebook and was scared to even look at you the first day out of fear of creeping you out and away from me and never believed that any of this would ever happen. Forever I will stay your peppermint and forever those two names will remind me of what used to be. Thank you for helping me grow and thank you for loving me when you did. I will miss those days, and even when I finally do reach the point where it doesn’t hurt at all anymore and I can look back on this as simply a learning lesson only, my love for you and the time we shared will have not diminished at all but instead turned into a more friendly and appreciative body of emotions.
I cry because it happened and suddenly it’s over. And it happened so quickly I simply couldn’t adjust. I will always cherish the memories and I will always wonder why we didn’t keep our promises. And I will always wish that we could have done the things we said we would. But I can’t smile just because it happened yet. I am starting a new chapter but still haven’t exactly finished reading the last page before it. I still have to figure out what it really says on the paper. Eventually I know it will pass, but for now, it is my time to reflect as I see -or at least I assume- that you already have. I say this because it seems that you have already moved on, and that’s no fact. I don’t know, but the way things felt after they were only a few months ago just didn’t click together. If things happened differently who knows where we would be now. I still love you though and I won’t forget our moments and for now, as old memories are refreshed in my mind, they bring new tears, but as I travel down the list of them, I do find that I can finally stay stronger as I re-imagine them over and over. Soon enough I will feel as you do maybe, but you will always have a special place in my mind. As would any person who is loved by someone else.
Yesterday I had to take your stuff off my walls. I’m not throwing them away. I could never bring myself to do it. Because everything we’ve ever done together still means the world to me. I don’t know what you plan on doing with our stuff that you have, I hope you feel the same. It’s still in a box in the corner of my room. I couldn’t keep from crying as I went through it. I have a birthday card you wrote me just 3 and a half months ago, promising more birthdays to be shared together and a love that would last forever. That hurt. That little ceramic pair of hearts was the worst for me to pack up. If I remember correctly, that was a gift to me on our one month anniversary. “Find love in unexpected places” is what it said, and I thought we did. It had both our names and our anniversary date on it. I broke down before it went into the box and I’m starting again. I know crying won’t do anything, but I’m too emotional of a person not to let my feelings out like that. I still refuse to let go of your bracelet from Costa Rica. I can’t forget that. It stays on me now.
What I regret doing is being short with you. I had never really done it before. But I had noticed you being short with me and decided to try it out. HUGE MISTAKE. I can remember one night i was especially fed up with the short messages because I felt that you weren’t telling me something. That night you eventually called me, maybe because you felt it. Your voice wasn’t short. I didn’t stop. I realize I shouldn’t have but things are what they are for now. I wanted to show you that I could be strong too. It only added fuel to the fire that burnt us apart. All of these things on here I want to tell you, but in person. Not just over the phone. It won’t happen though. I screwed up in keeping you. But then again, if you did love me back I shouldn’t really had to have to try so hard. I still love you. I just wish you could say it back to me again.